He Doesn't See Me
by Ealasaid
Summary: A songfic about Quistis. A little insight on her and her feelings.


****

He Doesn't See Me- Story By Kakegaeganai

Final Fantasy VIII and everything in it is property of Square, Square soft, etc, so don't sue me. I have nothing. *NOTE: Letters in _italics _are thoughts, special words, etc, but words underlined are lyrics to the song (this is because a few lines are integrated into the story), K? *

Quistis rubbed her tired eyes. She had been working at her computer almost all day, and she still wasn't done with her work. SeeD work seemed to get harder everyday. Exhausted, she saved her work and shut her laptop.

" I can finish it tomorrow," she groaned. " _Thank_ _goodness it's my day off_," she finished in her mind_. _Her legs wobbled as walked over to the window. That window was one of the only reasons that she liked being a SeeD. It was perfect. The view of the garden was beautiful, and she could watch the students mingle in the quad. She wished she could do that. But who would she mingle with? She could never think of anyone that would want to mingle with her. Sure, Dr. Kadowaki was nice, but...she just wished it were someone else. Someone her age.

" Squall..." she uttered, barely audible. She would scold herself constantly for her...infatuation with him. 

" It's not like he loves you." she would say, though every word of it was a nail into her heart. She knew he didn't, so why did she insist or torturing herself? Maybe it was just because... she wasn't ready to give him up yet. It was silly. It was like having a schoolgirl crush on the guy who already had a girlfriend, and was way too popular for you. But you still pine over him, thinking one day he will see you for what you are and love you for it. That day never comes. But you can't get over it. It takes time. Something it seemed like she had too much of. Too much time to think.

She sighed and raked her hand through her long hair, which had fallen out of its usual up-do as soon as she had walked through her door. "_I wonder what time it is?_" she thought. Her eyes traveled to the luminescent clock on her wall. She was mildly shocked, but overly surprised at the time.

" 6 in the morning..." she muttered. She averted her gaze back to the sky. " Maybe I can see the sun rise,"

She leaned her head on her hand and watched as the sun slowly rose over the horizon. 

" I wonder what Squall is doing..."

**__**

When he passes me by, he's a ray of light,

like the first drop of sun from the sky.

And I know he's a king who deserves a queen.

But I'm not a queen.

And he doesn't see me.

The sun seemed to explode, filling her sleepy eyes with warm, bright light. She knew she would never get to sleep. Too much on her mind. Every time Squall came up, her mind could never rest. So many memories. Some she didn't want to remember. Some she did.

" I remember..." she whispered out loud, but decided to play back the memory in her head.

"_I remember the night of the SeeD ball. I really wanted to dance with you that night. But you didn't even look at me. I tried to get your attention. I smiled at you. I was going to wave. I was even going to ask. But I was too shy. I didn't think you would say yes. I felt like I was 13 years old! I watched you dance with Rinoa. You seemed to be enjoying yourself, even though your face didn't show it. When I saw you dance, and realized how good you were, I realized I wouldn't have been able to dance with you anyways. I'm not that good. But Rinoa is. And it sickens me."_

****

When he dances, he moves me to a smile,

and I see everything in him shine.

There's a grace in his ways that I can't contain.

I haven't that grace.

Oh, I haven't that grace.

" _When I asked if you wanted to go to the secret area, did you really think I wanted to go there to bust the people that were out after curfew? Do you not think I am still a teenager? Newsflash: I am" _She sighed, massaging her temples.

" I shouldn't think this much," she said, rolling her neck. Thinking only lead to more thinking.

"_But I can't stop!"_ she thought angrily. She stormed from the window and collapsed on her bed.

"_Don't think about him, don't think about him...." _she chanted. But her mind was swirling, and there was no way she could stop now. She would never get to sleep if she didn't clear her mind. She stuffed her face into her pillow and screamed.

"_ Am I not good enough?" _she thought sadly. She looked in the mirror across from her bed. "_No, I'm not. Look at me. My hair. The ends are split, and it is a horrible shade of blonde. All the other girls have dark hair. I'm a freak! Why do I have to be so different!?" _she began to sob. _" Is there something that drove you away from me? Am I too...sister-like? What? God, I can get through a Sorceress War but not my own feelings! I'm so helpless..."_

****

And the closer he gets I can't help but hide,

so ashamed of my body and voice.

There are boundaries we can pass in spite of the war,

But our own we can't seem to cross.

"_Rinoa..." _she shuddered lightly. She pulled the blankets over her body and wrapped herself up in them_. _

"You are perfect. You are the ideal woman, now aren't you? Why did you have to come along and ruin everything? It was perfect..." she stopped. Was it? She began to cry a little harder. Did she really hate Rinoa? No, she didn't. She was jealous. So jealous she felt her insides were churning uncontrollably.

"_ She is perfect. Perfect for him. I've actually seen him smile. I never made him smile. How did you do it? How did you nab the angel with black wings? Is it because you were helpless when you first began fighting by him, and he felt obligation? Save you from the monsters? Was that it? I don't believe I was ever helpless. Were you helpless because you wanted him? I'm not sure. But it doesn't matter. Because you won. _

****

She has a way that surrounds her so delicate,

with a glory that reigns in her ways.

She is also so much that she is not.

These things, I can't see.

Because he doesn't see me.

And he doesn't see me.

" Would you ever leave her, Squall? If you saw me, the real me? Could I win you? I tried before, but that didn't work. Maybe I was too forward. Or too shy. I'm not sure. Did you not like me because I was your teacher? Trust me, if that was it, I would have quit. I never liked teaching anyways. Did the notion of you loving your teacher embarrass you? I suppose it would embarrass me. I guess...it never really crossed my mind that me being a teacher made you pull away from me. Did it?

****

There are things we can change,

if we just choose to fight.

But the walls of injustice are high.

The sun began to fill her room, casting an eerie glow to the entire space. She wiped her eyes, as the remains of salt were beginning to form. She settled back into the comforter (though it hardly did it's job), and tried to sleep. She fell asleep quite quickly, but not for long. Soon, she was awoken by the sun in her face. She glanced at her clock. It was 11am.

Yawning, she walked slowly into her bathroom. She splashed cool water on her face, and did her hair as best she could. Her clothes were all wrinkled, but she didn't care. She just needed to get some coffee at the cafeteria. At the moment, she didn't really care how she looked. She smoothed her dress and put on a little make-up. Tiredly, she opened her door and walked out into the illuminated hall. Suddenly, someone rounded a corner and slammed into her.

"Ow!" the girl yelled. Quistis' mind snapped. She knew that voice. It was...

"Oh, hi Quistis. Gee, I'm really sorry. Are you...okay?" she asked, looking at Quistis', tired, red eyes. Quistis promptly shot her face down and covered her eyes.

" I'm fine.."

"Quistis...have you been crying?" she asked, genuinely worried. Quistis shrugged and nodded.

"Yeah, I...didn't get any sleep because of this report I had to do, and I had a lot on my mind, plus I was watching "The Way We Were" and I guess I just...overloaded myself !" she lied. What she really wanted to say was...

**__**

When he passes me by, he's a ray of light,

like the first drop of sun from the sky...

" Yeah, that movie makes me cry every time! I like the part when Katie-" she was cut off by Squall yelling down the hall. She looked up and saw him walking towards up. Rinoa ran up and hugged him, and as she watched him hug her back, her heart twisted.

**__**

And I know he's a king that deserves a queen...

He walked away, his arm around her waist. Then she realized what he wanted.

"**_Someone other than me. So different from me," _**she whispered

She turned around and walked away.

**__**

He doesn't see me

He doesn't see me

He doesn't see me

Well, what did you think? Love it !? Hate it? Tell me!!! I REALLY like feedback! It's a fanfic authors birthday present! Please e-mail me at kagaeganai@hotmail.com. PLEASE!!!!


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